One central idea from each chapter of the book Nonviolent communication: a language of life by Marshall Rosenberg
1. Awareness is a state possible when we drop all our stories, values and lenses. This is possible when we stay connected to our truth in the moment. Period.
2. Words are windows or they are walls
3. NVC is a process language and is not static. It is a process of focusing on your locus of control in this moment. What are you observing, thinking, feeling & needing? What are the requests & actions you can take? When you do this & help others do this, there is a natural state of compassion. A state of oneness. There are opportunities to collaborate and innovate.
4. Life-alienating communication which has deep survival and political roots hinders us to collaborate. NVC is based on a BELIEF that it is our nature to give and receive from heart.
5. NVC doesn’t need you to completely let go of interpretations (or your personal meaning making). It only encourages you to separate observations from interpretations. Observations are things that happen on your senses – what you see, feel, hear, touch, smell or think?
6. Feelings are a fact. A data point on your body. They are your reality in the moment. Feelings are also shared human qualities. Thus expressing self using them ( instead of opinions and thoughts) helps you connect better with others.
7. Needs are how you take responsibility for your feelings and actions. When you are thinking in terms of needs, you are focused on solutions. Thus you are more likely to get it. This is 1st principles thinking. Observations are just a stimulus to feelings. Needs are cause.
8. Requests are ways you talk to people and not about them or at them. You engage with them. Requests move you to actions. NVC teaches you to make three requests – empathy, honesty and actions
9. Empathy is emptying your mind and listening with whole being. It’s key ingredient is presence to your self and others.
10. Empathy gives total acceptance. From that state you can reperceive world with multiple perspectives! Thus it is truly healing for the giver & taker!
11. Compassion with self is all about staying fully present to your needs – both met and unmet. In doing so you break the shackles of guilt, shame, duty and should 1) Mourning 2) Self-forgiveness 3) Have tos to choose tos 4) Play are some ways NVC teach to be in compassion.
12. The full glory of NVC is in how it teaches to deal with anger. It encourages us to feel and embrace it. Not ‘Be calm’ It is a mix up of stimulus and cause of feelings. A mix up of Observation and Need. It is a wake up call to what you value. Offer self-empathy when angry
13. In NVC way of mediation, forging human connection is the most important part. This is done by providing empathy to all. Validating their needs and feelings. We move away from analysis, strategies, judging and blaming. Connection before Correction!
14. NVC and Force The belief in 1. Punitive Force – is that others are evil/bad. 2. Protective Force – is that others are acting in harmful ways due to ignorance. The intent 1. Punitive Force – to cause harm. 2. Protective Force- to protect self (without judging others)
15. Emotional Liberation There is a strong cultural conditioning that we have inherited around marriage, gender, duty, authority etc. This is a language that served survival and powerful. We can liberate ourselves from it by getting in connect with our needs and feelings.
16. NVC and Appreciation Appreciation is the expression of gratitude and celebration of my needs met. This state creates a flow of giving energy. This also helps other’s understand how their behavior has impacted us.